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Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Love Shoes, Feb 20, 2013.

  1. Love Shoes

    Love Shoes Super Moderator

    We have quite a few ladies on the forum, so I thought maybe we could have a thread where we discuss lady stuff, like underwear, weight issues, menopause, fashion, family, that sort of stuff.

    i will start off by saying I think I have finally found the perfect bra, :yes::yes:

    NB .... i don't mean to be sexist when I say ladies only, it is just that from experience I know how bored men get with the stuff we like to talk about
     

  2. tink

    tink New Member

    ........brilliant idea.............have a great hair removal joke to share here.....

    ..here goes......My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."


    So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.


    No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)


    So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!


    OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!


    Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.


    With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!


    I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!


    Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious.


    Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.


    I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!


    There's no hair on it.


    Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???


    Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.


    Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!


    I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"


    What can I do to melt the wax?


    Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???


    *WRONG!!!!!!!*


    I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.


    Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water.


    Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.


    So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!


    I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"


    There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal it she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"


    She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.


    YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions.


    I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!


    By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.


    My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!


    The scream probably woke the kids and scared the **** out of my friend.


    Its sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.


    I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!


    So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.


    Next week I'm going to try hair color......
     
  3. Love Shoes

    Love Shoes Super Moderator


    i still haven't stopped laughing .... remind me to shave before I visit you again, oh and get my hair dyed, don't be offended if I refuse to let you practice ...... :wubclub: I bet you hurt like hell, I sometimes wax my chin and upper lip, but have never done my butt, after reading this I think I will give waxing a miss lol x x
     
  4. Gill & Dave

    Gill & Dave New Member

    I've just had the best laugh of my life, just what I needed! (I'm a wax virgin, too afraid to try it)

    Gill x
     
  5. Geraldine

    Geraldine Super Moderator Staff Member

    What a story, couldn't stop laughing but only because I've been there, only the once mind you and it was just my legs. Being a dark haired gal I tried leg waxing in a salon and couldn't believe I had subjected myself to such torture. It has never been repeated as for other areas well respect goes out to any gal or guy for that matter who can withstand the pain. Said from someone whose given birth four times, gets horrible migraines oh and is now best friend with electrolysis....dontcha hate get older ! :biglaugh:
     
  6. Love Shoes

    Love Shoes Super Moderator

    i know I'm still tittering I myself ..... I have never really tried the was malarkey .... I even get my eye brows plucked, can't stand the redness .... I do my lip now and again but never using the same method as Tink ......

    I was dying my hair one night, usually go to a salon, but got fed up of the hassle so I bought a home dye kit, it showed a beautiful blonde on the box, so I set to, put the colour on as per instructions, left it ten minutes, I think developing time was 40 or 45 .... I went into the bathroom after 10 minutes for a quick strand test, I didn't fancy being green, lol, when I noticed some hairs in the basin, and being a particularly and fussy person I knew I had wiped the basin earlier, the hairs worried me, and still to this day I don't know why a) i didn't realise the colour was all wrong or b) ask if anyone had put it there, lol, so thinking my hair was dropping out ...... I know why would it drop out into the basin and not into my hands when I did the magic strand test ...... So in a mad panic, (because I didn't want a green stubble) I washed the dye off pretty darn quick ...... when I had washed it off, I looked in the mirror and got the shock of my life, it was a funny shade of grey/blue/platinum ..... Not green .... Green might have been better ...... The problem was I hadn't let it develop LNG enough, but I thought my hair was dropping out ..... It gets better ...... It was a Friday night, and my OH always liked us to go out after a hard week at work, so I had to go out with this horrendous hair .....

    i walked into my sons room hoping he wouldn't notice my fox pass :wink: and he said 'mum whats happened to your hair', naturally with a :biggrin: on his face ..... I explained my incident in the bathroom and then he said ......

    'oh that's my hair, I was trimming my side burns', I could have swung him around his room .......:yes:

    the next morning at the crack of dawn I rang numerous salons asking for an emergency appointment ..... Well it was an emergency ....... Eventually I found one who did a colour correction ....... and charged me a fortune ..... served me right for trying to be a hairdresser :biglaugh:
     
  7. Nicnic

    Nicnic New Member

    Can relate to both stories so funny! My waxing wasnt as bad but had to go in bath to peel it off my poor punani, I think I did remove 2 hairs though! My hair dye horror was someone obviously thought it would be fun to switch the colours so what i thought to be a chocolate brown turned out to be fire engine red! Had to suffer a busy shift (worked on casualty so no hiding!) until I could return for another this time made sure box was sealed! x
     
  8. Seventh Son

    Seventh Son Member

    Just for today I'm gonna have to say 'I'm a lay-dee don't you know?'
    Apologies for entering the forbidden temple but the thread title was too irresistible.

    Just had to say, Tink that is classic. I'd heard of the legend of the waxing on the 'other side' but that's the first time I've read it first hand. Still chuckling.
     
  9. cal

    cal Super Moderator

    Im too much of a softee to wax,, ye good ole razor is my friend,lol

    As for bra's ,i wasnt very well blessed up top so dont have any major issues in that dept either,lol

    However (men you may want to change thread now).... i did have to go for a Pap smear last week, nothing new there ,ive had a few (especially as its every 2 years here in Aus) but OMG,, i have never had one like THIS before,, aparantly its a new thing and called a 3 point check.. without me going into loads of detail has anyone had a 3 point check smear rather than your standard legs a kimbo, job done, smear ? It was more intrusive than in the past and left even me somewhat speechless,lol

    Cal x
     
  10. tink

    tink New Member

    ..........haven't heard of that one cal....
    ..........only thin prep........usual procedure ...lol....
    .........don't have to worry about finding that lady doctor this year..................said goodbye to it all last November......!
     
  11. Love Shoes

    Love Shoes Super Moderator

    I have forgotten when I said goodbye to my lady tackle, I think it was 1997 I was having so many problems with it that I found the decision easy ...... Had a breast scan though last April and my gosh if that hurt ... I nearly cried :cry: my good old mum used to say it hurt, but she had boobs ... when I had my first one just after mum passed away I was flat chested .... So never felt it, but this time I have grown a bit ..... Every time I think of it I cringe .... Ouch !!!!
     
  12. Ktee

    Ktee Administrator

    Can't help you with the pap Cal but I've had my legs spread for so many guys prior to my op nothing would bother me anymore
     
  13. Ktee

    Ktee Administrator

    Oh dear, just read that back and it sounds like I'm a tart, I mean medical reasons pmsl.
     
  14. Ktee

    Ktee Administrator

    Hair - I am absolutely useless with, I just brush mine and that's it, but my middle son needed his hair cutting urgently for cadets, he told me at 5.30pm and cadets starts at 6, so he begged me to do it for him. Let's put it this way he will never let me near him again, it looked like this

    [​IMG]

    Needless to say he didn't go to cadets that night and on Saturday morning I had to take him to a barbers and bribe him with $20 if he told them he tried to cut it himself rather than say I did it.
     
  15. Ktee

    Ktee Administrator

    Spray Tans - Day of my husbands works Christmas party in the UK, I decided to have a spray tan, the lady says to me when the alarm goes off turn around for it to do the other side. Well I never heard an alarm so I was black on one side and pale white on the other, never again :no:
     
  16. Love Shoes

    Love Shoes Super Moderator


    ....
    pmsl .... reminded me of a friend of mine who had a sun bed session in her lunch hour and forgot to take off her crucifix ...... :biglaugh:

    I got so sun burnt once in Florida that I ruined a week of the holiday, I remember it o this day and so does my ex ... apparently it crops up quit a bit on lads nights out :cry: .... I was always pale, very pale, so when we went to Florida I thought sod it i am going o go home with a beautiful tan ..... I bought a load of sexy cozzies ready to strut my stuff on Miami beach, but on the first morning I got so sun burnt I collapsed in toys r us and had to be brought to with smelling salts. I went to bed, and woke up as sore as .... The next day I had to wear elasticated loose shorts, everything hurt, as the days passed, my skin began to shrink, I was red raw, well bright pink actually, it was the days when he mutant ninja turtles were all the rage and I was walking like one, we went to Florida keys and I was walking like a turtle .... Albeit a bright pink one, the skin was still shining, then it started to peel ...... Like mad :yes: massive pieces, I could have made a suit out of the pieces .... I looked gross, felt gross and swore never agin ......

    As for my Miami beach venture I spent it covered with a towel, whilst e kiddies buried my legs in the sand, I never got to show off my cut out cozzie :arghh:

    When we arrived home .... people kept on saying 'I thought you'd been away', :arghh: I was a bit too :embarrassed: to admit at I had crisped myself on the first day, so I just said 'oh I decided to keep out if the sun', then my ex let the cat out of the bag :arghh: I stay out of the sun as much as I can now, I have lived abroad now for 6 years and am still fairly pale ... but interesting :wink:
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2013
  17. lesleybruck

    lesleybruck Member

    you stories are so funny i must live a shelterd life lol the only thing i have ever done is the night before sons christening i dyed hair blonde, im dark brown but i was so busy getting stuff ready for next day i forgot id left it on, after a while oh said shouldnt you wash that off your hair, well i ran to the bathroom and lets just say there was no problem spotting me at the church
     
  18. Ktee

    Ktee Administrator

    Oh no Lesley, so did you get the bleached blonde look?
     
  19. Love Shoes

    Love Shoes Super Moderator

    This is similar to what I have been trying to do this morning
     

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  20. Love Shoes

    Love Shoes Super Moderator

    image.jpg Cleaner image
     

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